Sunday, October 23, 2011

out of darkness

Today is my 21st October 23. 
Every single one has been different. I do not specifically remember each one. Which is probably good. But it does make me think about if I will live a 22nd one and what will be different, what will be the same? I do recall that around this time last year I was asked to pray about joining the cross cultural team for a summer of missions. How much has happened in a year. I went. I learned. I was changed. 
Change: to make or become different
While I was in Thailand my family changed. A man with a massive heart for people took his life. My uncle pete. I still can’t really wrap my brain around it. He wore himself out helping people. His booming laugh, and I mean it when I say booming, would echo through the house. Even in his super handy man manly self, he was afraid of our neighbors dog. Comical. He is greatly missed. 
My thoughts are a little scattered these days as I am learning loads about what I believe and how to live it out.   
I really wanted some extra crafty blog post. But if you would just check out this link it would be appreciated. 

every 40 seconds someone commits suicide 

in memory of uncle pete 

                    God is light. in Him there is no darkness at all.

Thursday, August 18, 2011


Genesis 1:25

time is a strange thing. i tend to relive/live moments of my life in relation to the present...for example 'this time last week' 'this time next week' 'this time ten years ago' 

this time last month (july 18,2011)
i was still in thailand. it was a monday and the students had the day off from school for a holiday. the ccp team met together in the morning to go over a few things. the campus outreach thailand asked us what could be done to make the next ccp's time in thailand better, and challenged us to support the thais on staff. after we went with the COT staff for a fair-well lunch. my head hurts because i want to put into words what it was like to witness how the Lord used His children and listen to His glory described. it was beautiful to hear the thank yous and gratitude of both us as ccp and the staff. all the praise goes to God. every tear of thanksgiving shed was because of His grace and mercy. over and over we praised the King of glory for giving all of us a glimpse of what it means to live as the body of Christ. the brothers and sisters i got to meet in thailand are in love with Jesus and His light in them shines like a city on a hill top. i miss them all very much.
ccp and Thailand staff

the day continued and the team hit-up the thai good store one last time. (if you received a gift from thailand it probably came from here) it was starting to sink in time was fading. that afternoon i began writing cards and preparing gifts from america for the friends i had made. in the evening the science ministry team (thai- p'fone, p'bow, p'nai ccp- phillip, bill, luke, christine, laura-ruth, courtney, myself, and our team leaders matt, erin) had 'science fellowship' it is a time for the christian science students to come together and.....fellowship. we ate dinner, played games and shared. we all sat in a big circle and talked about what God was teaching us and encouraged one another. to close then night we broke in groups and prayed. i wept like a baby. beautiful moments wrapped in light.
i don't know if you remember how God moved 28 days ago in your life. but He did. and everyday in-between.

science fellowship night
being back in america has been many things, good, overwhelming, relaxing, hard. when we left the team was challenged to think "how will your life have to look different because of what the Lord did this summer?" this summer the Lord made it abundantly clear to me His detailed pursuit of His children. how do i respond? i want to know more. i want to sit at the feet of our Mighty God. i want to resolve to know nothing but Jesus Christ and Him crucified (1 cor 2:2). i want to pour out my life, for the sake of those in darkness. the journey has started. the Lord used thailand and the people there and here to continue to make me new.
the semester ahead looks like a mountain from where i sit now. maybe it is the massive pile of clothes i have successfully avoided packing or could it be doubting the loving author of Salvation? i pray the Holy Spirit helps me keep my mind on the present journey, enjoying the Lords presence. walking by faith not by sight, trusting God to move. he is the God of peace. as my little anxious heart starts to flutter i am reminded the first thing the resurrected Christ said to the disciples "peace be with you"(john 20:19). you know i don't know what the next 28 days hold. i pray my life does look different because of what God has graciously shown me. i am thankful for what He has done and what He will continue to do.    
i can't live in the past or future, only right now with a God whose love cannot be measured.

 thank you for continuing the race with me.
lets go

but how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? and how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? and how can they hear about him unless someone tells them? 
romans 10:14

but my life is worth nothing to me unless i use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus--the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God. 
acts 20:24

therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. and let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. 
hebrews 12:1

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 
philippians 4:7

transcend: verb, to go beyond the range or limits of 

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

You numbered all my days

 the whole earth is filled with His glory

Some scattered thoughts on a summer designed above time
 Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good;His love endures forever. Psalm 118:29
Thank you Lord for a beautiful summer. God you are the King of glory and you reign forever. Thank you for the gospel of Jesus Christ, for coming to die for a wicked world. Thank you for giving me all things especially the precious gift of faith. Thank you for each day making it more and more clear that I do not deserve such a gift. Thank you for every person you have allowed me to meet in my time on the planet. Thank you for the way they each reflect you as Creator. Thank you for revealing the disease of pride that is festering in my heart and thank you for being the Great Physician the One who heals all my diseases and redeems my life from the pit. Thank you for Thailand God. Thank you for letting me see your children praise your holy name in another country. Thank you for letting me really understand there are people who have never heard your name. Thank you for changing my life this summer. I pray my heart never grows weary of giving you thanks.

you are good, you are good there is nothing good in me:::these words are from a song we would sing together this summer. It was a summer of learning much starting with Gods goodness.The team arrived in Thailand and everyone was getting smacked in the face with the weight of our sin and the pride behind our motives. And honestly for a moment I was pretty angry...I don’t know if angry is the right word, but I was for sure frustrated. I had come to Thailand and I couldn’t learn anything but how awful I was or how much I didn’t trust God. (Pride...went deeper than I thought.) The summer opened with a tragedy for my family back in the states- another encounter with death- which served to enhance the ticking clock counting the moments until the end of the summer when I will arrive at the tenth year anniversary of my dads death. So in my mind I couldn’t focus. I was planning on learning something different in Thailand I would chant in my heart. The light bulb finally turned on and God started to show me that His plan was different. His plan was perfect. He was showing me that my plan of what I was going to learn pride was at the root. God knew what I would face before I was even born. It was His plan for my heart to scream for a father so loudly in Thailand that I couldn’t help but run to the Everlasting Father. A plan for me to be saturated with the attribute of God as Father everywhere I turned. A plan for me to understand that this world is not my home. A plan for me to truly know God as my Father. A plan for my heart to break for those who don’t know Him, who have never heard of such love. A plan to see how evil my heart is and how He loves me anyway. A plan to lead me to truly trust that Jesus died for my filth. Would I trade what God taught me for what I thought I was going to learn? Absolutely not. Most of the time I don’t even know what I want, how could I possibly know what I need? Praise God for pursuing us with such detail for He is good;His love endures forever.

God you never fail. You never give up. How far my heart is from loving others more than myself. The pride and wickedness are so quick to swell. Thank you for loving me through it. Thank you for raining down on me Lord. Thank you for opening the Heavens for sending living water. Thank you for the story you have given me. Thank you for the future whatever it holds let it be for your glory, for your name sake. Thank you for letting me run alongside people who understand that to die is gain, people that understand nothing in this world is of any value but your name going forth. 
Lord thank you for those who have been a part of this journey from a distance. God I pray the supporters of this mission know and trust you used them in mighty ways this summer. I pray for you as you read this blog, that today has lead you closer to His embrace, made you homesick for Heaven and brought you to your knees and back up on your feet to go tell those who live in darkness about the One who is life.          
Forever changed by the King for the Kingdom

As jet lag leaves my body, and American culture shock fades I hope to blog again about this incredible summer

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

daughters and sons

To all that have joined this journey by prayer, financially, or reading these blogs thank you. I would like to introduce you to a few of the people that in 4 short weeks have impacted me for a life-time. 

the team -photo by abby cunningham
-So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Philippians 2:1-2
yes. the team. 18 people that i am amazed by every single day. i am in awe of how the Lord uses each of them to reflect Christ to me all in different ways. learning to live as the body of Christ with these people has been a privilege. through them Christ loves and encourages, not only me but everyone they are around. for whatever reason i keep thinking of us all as tiny babies and how the Lord knew that summer 2011 we would all be in Thailand. incredible. i love you guys. susu! (keep fighting in Thai) 

ministry partner: courtney
everyone meet courtney aka farsigh *her thai name*- she has a love for life that is contagious plus she is hilarious. o and she thinks she is part thai (it is hot here maybe the heat is getting to her) the past four weeks i have had a blast with courtney. i am so encouraged by her willingness to try anything and her heart to learn what it is God wants to teach her. even in struggles and frustrations she tells herself to get over it and trust the Lord. she got pretty sick during week two and had a little visit to the hospital...trooper this one. what a blessing that the Lord wrote our summer together. love you j-moon-sun...i mean buddy!

God is so good to me. oh my goodness. words can't even describe how thankful i am for this woman of God. P'Fone has been on staff with campus outreach for 10 years. courtney and i get to spend our days with her and LOVE IT. Her heart for the Lord is beautiful. Her life declares the truth of a life hidden in Christ. thank you Jesus for letting me know her and see her love for the Kingdom. we have talked a lot about rejection and how we are to live unashamed of the gospel. she loves Gods word and uses it in all of her encouragement.
O LORD, if you heal me, I will be truly healed; if you save me, I will be truly saved. My praises are for you alone! Jeremiah 17:14 
* As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.” Romans 10:11

two of the many verses she has shared with me. i love being around her and know the Lord will continue to use her in the lives of many. my sister P'Fone!

Ning and I on Sunday
Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Ning! She is a fourth year at KKU and became a Christian at the Thai Summer Project in march (yes summer in march). she is so fun to be around and is such a dedicated student. i am so thankful that the Lord is letting me get to know her this summer. i have learned so much from her already. she came over early the other morning to make a wonderful video for courtney's birthday! hilarious. be praying that the Lord continues to root both of us deeper into Himself and that our faith in Him will encourage one another!    

science faculty: freshie badminton
(we play twice a week with the freshman)

me, mac (don't worry he is famous), beer
Beer is a freshie we have met during our time on campus. she came with us to the temple trip and to the mall for lunch one saturday. she always has such a big smile on her face and so friendly to us. i hope that we get more time around her this summer!
me, p'fone, dow, courtney, ning, jelly, p'terri
after church on Sunday. Ning was baptized! 
beautiful daughters of the almighty Father.

abby (her photo too)
not only do i get to walk around all day with mirrors of Christ i get to share a room with one of the brightest shimmering reflections. abby and i are 301 commonly confused with 501. funny story really....a thai girl slept walked into our room and well then into my bed. yeaa. still laughing. o it happened 3 weeks ago. God is so sweet in His design of me and abby and the details! perfect that we are both slightly messy (you can be your own judge on how slightly)  -really i love this girl. apparently our grandmas were best friends...and our moms played together as children? had no clue until the day before we left but hey looks like the tradition continues. much love Jesus. abby is incredibly encouraging and shares what she is learning about our God with the best words. i am learning truck loads from her and even though our late nights might catch up with us soon i love hearing her heart and how God is pulling her into His arms and dancing with her from Heaven! -love you roooms!


courtney's birthday party
so that was my attempt to introduce you to people you may never meet this side of heaven- but because of you and your willingness to give and pray for this trip i have met. thank you. i have been learning so much here in thailand. God is teaching me more and more about his unfailing love and how in Him we have everything. God is who He says He is and the grace and mercy He gives me everyday is incredible. as it all sinks in a new weight presses on my heart for those that don't know Him. for those who have never even heard. my heart is breaking and God is pulling out things i never thought i would see. He is cutting from me what ties me to the earth and showing me where my true desire should be. He is the one who satisfies our longings. so as those of you in america celebrated fathers day i pray that God moves in your heart to a deeper understanding of Him as Father. the creator of heaven and earth knows me as His daughter and is so sweet in reminding me.   

See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!...
1 John 3:1

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


  Yesterday I realized I have fallen in love with Thailand. It hit me when we were coming back from campus. It was one of those breath stuck in your throat moments. Through everything hard and challenging I have seen in the first week God has placed a spirit of thankfulness in me. Thankful for so much -thankful for our team and the Thai Christians -thankful for the time in the word being taught from it -thankful for the conversations that have already taken place. In our perspective training time Gary talked about having the perspective of being called...called to be a child of God, called to be like Christ, and called to call others. He spent time discussing the first two and how they can radically change our thoughts. There is a freshness to living in the mindset of being a child of God. The truth of being called from darkness to light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transported us into the kingdom of his beloved Son, colossians 1:13 oh if only our thoughts were filled with appreciation. I am reading a historical fiction account of Rahab, the author has portrayed Rahab as having a longing to know the God of the Hebrews. {I would love Him! Her mouth trembled, and her eyes were hot, with tears. I would serve Him any way He asked. Given the chance, I would bow down before Him and rejoice to be counted among His people!} in reading I have come to question my own heart and see the ungratefulness that lives within. I am called daughter and known by the one true God! This calls for rejoicing and an attitude that lives in thanksgiving. The second thought he shared with us in training was that we are called to be like Christ. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. 1 peter 2:21 what we do and how we live matters. Our time here was described as a spiritual gym, this summer you will feel weaker than ever before and there are two responses 1.Shut down 2. Cry out to God and depend on Him. -In my struggle God is with me, making me holy- So in the language barrier, in the insecurity of not knowing the culture, in being stuck inside myself God is here, teaching me, changing me. I really am in Thailand. This really is the life I have been given. All at once it has been overwhelming, hard, stretching and beautiful. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! Psalm 139:6
I pray that the awesomeness and truth of this brings me to my knees- for those who do not know the God of Heaven and earth  -for those who feel hopeless. Please pray for those who walk in despair. Pray for boldness in your own heart to share the love of Christ with those around you -Please pray for my family back home as death creeps in and grief cuts deep into the hearts of many. As my heart pounds 'why?' to the tragedy that grips my family I pray to rest in the shade of Gods control and for His peace which passes understanding.   

learning how to love you

Saturday, June 4, 2011

in a kingdom in southeast Asia...

Life in Thailand has been an incredible experience so far. The Lord is shaking the entire team to the core. Keep praying for the time we have left here in Thailand. Pray God would be glorified and made much of in every moment. Pray we would bow down before Him and rejoice to be counted among His people as we share about the everlasting Kingdom. 
one night after dinner at the night market

Courtney and me getting smoothies after a very active afternoon. I love spending my days with her!

day market

papaya salad: they love this stuff and want us to love it too. 

i love this woman! i am so blessed to have her as my ministry partner this summer.

dinner at t-bone. Jelly and P'Courtney

yes, this man is boxing a snake.

Taylor and little boy at the umm...zoo?

learning how to love you

Monday, May 30, 2011

...i just can't find the words

You're the God of this City
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You are 

Who knew blogging would be so hard.

But really. I use to think that I liked words and writing but now I’m not so sure. I want desperately to find words for everything that has entered my heart in the past 180 hours. I think in my struggle of wanting the perfect sentence or post that helps you understand what is happening in Thailand is showing me much about God. God is bigger than my blog post. Feel free to laugh. But it has been a battle on how to remember and process this trip...and it is only day four. There is no way to describe what God is doing. I am seeing more now than ever that every second of my life has been transforming me for these days in Thailand. Even the time here is changing and molding me into the women God envisioned when He knitted me together. 
I pray that your heart is encouraged as you read and that the Holy Spirit would help you rejoice in what is happening here.
First I love the ccp team. We haven’t had much team time but everyone is so encouraging. I love the stories (often hilarious) when we come back the the dorm after time with some of the Thai’s. It is a privilege that we are together in this. It blows my mind that the Lord designed this team in such a unique way. I can’t wait to keep learning from my brothers and sisters. Second the Thai christians are the most encouraging people I have ever met. Their passion for the Lord and love for Christ brings tears to my eyes. I am overwhelmed that I get to spend this summer alongside them. They understand the darkness of this country and have faith that God will bring light to Thailand. From death to life, their testimonies are powerful and beautiful. It is such a blessing to see the Thai christians and their heart for all nations to know Christ. They understand giving their life away. 
Sunday in worship we sang the same songs, they sang in thai and we sang in english. I get chills thinking about it. My heart will treasure that moment forever. Pretty positive most of the team has blogged about those minutes of worship. In a book I read before this trip it said “God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him.” Sunday, we were satisfied, He was glorified. God’s glory...would be the only words. Third ministry in Thailand is not what I thought....well honestly I have no idea what I thought it would be like. It has been exciting, exhausting, and intentional to the extreme. our focus is meeting the freshman (10,000 this year). Yeaaa. 
 Fourth the language. We are horrible at thai. They are patient, praise Jesus. 
In these first few days it has been an adjustment. Again I don’t know how to tell you all that is happing. I am blessed to be here, struggling, seeing sin, fighting it all while learning and sharing about the authority of Christ. Please pray for our team as we continue to minister. Pray that we would fix our eyes on Jesus, that we would count everything as lost besides knowing Him. Pray for health and a Thai meal we can stomach. 

learning how to love you,

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. Philippines 3:12-14