twisting darkness

a storm rolls in

under the

breathing thoughts

of

my mind

i wish i never

gave them life,

life enough

to seek

the heart

in my chest

the one that

rains blood

the one that

is cracked and dark

but to it

these thoughts

have journeyed

like the serpent in that tree

they have

introduced

a friend

called doubt

offering promises

to fill holes

that didn’t exist

until they told me

all while

creating

a desire for

what

i haven’t been given

a desire 

now embedded so deep

into my stony heart

im not surprised

she ate the fruit.

i now know

i nurtured

my own torment

feeding the thoughts

clinging to the

hope

i was sure they

would bring

forgetting to remember

He who poured out his life

unto death.

the crooked winged

angel

stands

praying beside me

as the one

covered in pearls

flies behind her

they

make me wonder

if the storm is on

its way

to my heart

and

if lightning

was to strike

would it break open

this cage

locked from the inside.

I pray to be only Yours

I’ve misplaced my journal. 

Apparently it is the only paper that exists in the world because I haven’t really reflected or written down anything since it scampered away. You would think I would have some analogy/metaphor or gospel connection for this....well maybe you wouldn’t...but I’ve been waiting for some glimmering thought to squeeze into my brain. nothing. 

There are so many things I have wanted to write down but haven’t. So many thoughts I have suffocated because a little book is hidden from my eyes. Also I have suffered from do I write? do I not write? I know. Silly. Not about me all for the King.

So if I could be random....I don’t know why I am asking permission. 

I went to a wedding this weekend. Beautiful. Mmmm...I don’t think I have been to an ugly one. But anyway. My heart was doing the ekkk wedding chant! typical girl. And as my friend was about to walk down the isle I snatched up my anxious thoughts that were years down the road. I took them to the foot of the cross. Jesus protect my heart and let me live the life you have written for me, not dreaming up another. Teach me much about you. He did that for sure. Not immediately but my mind has shifted and everything I heard yesterday sounds different. For your Maker is your husband--the LORD Almighty is his name--the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. Isaiah 54:5

 How exciting! 

This is a stretch but my heart loves it and I pray it is okay to think this way,

 I, the LORD Almighty, take you Kathryn, to be my wife, to have as my own and to hold in my right hand, to lift up your face and bestow glory upon you, from this day and every second to come, for better or for best, for my Kingdom’s glory, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until you see me face to face.

I, Kathryn, surrender to you Almighty God, to be my husband, to live in union with You, pour me out for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, so I can reflect your love, majesty and sacrifice to the world; from this day forward until I arrive home. 

I Lamb of God, give you Kathryn my life, death and resurrection I commit my love, honor, and respect to you.

I Kathryn, give you Jesus all the heartbeats left in my chest, that you would be glorified. Write in me the letter of yourself to be read by all so that the world will know you. In the life you have given me be lifted high. You are my only hope. I will praise and exalt you the King who lives forever. 

Praise Jesus. I could journal for days. I am so excited for Easter...to live the Passion, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ! 

learning how to love you,

Kathryn