preoccupied

it seems that for days i have been thinking in broken circles. that i can’t complete a thought. all these half-started thoughts floating around have come to annoy me enough to share. i know. thrilling. today in class we talked about technology and its influence on parent child relationships and ultimately society. the comment was made that we are losing our ability to think original thoughts. i felt like i struck gold. this explains why i have be searching to think. finally i had something to blame, technology. of course the gold was fake and the excitement crumbled on my way to the car. i want to think, i want to form thoughts and make sense of things. i want to learn, and ask questions about anything was my cry. then i remembered....think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. colossians 3:2 

i am convinced that this is why my thoughts have seemed to evaporate so quickly. i have been thinking about earthly things, nothing of any worth at all. why can i not take any event of the day and find the gospel? it may take some thinking, but isn’t that what i want? and that i get to dwell on something so breath taking. what a privilege. so i thought i would try to complete these dancing thoughts...here are some of the things i have seen and my attempt to find truth, to think heavenly

-bowling the other night i went bowling with a group of friends. there were children bowling in the lane right next to us. i would guess all under the age of seven. clearly they were having issues with the game. the ball was too heavy, most of them had no clue that the screen above them told whose turn it was, or that socks made the floor extremely slippery. one of the little boys did understand, he knew who was to go next. he also helped each one get a ball and bowl. i was amazed, so patient, so nice, so selfless. i know this might be stretching it (but i imagine heavenly thoughts come with a battle of their own. pushing out the world) Jesus knows this life better than we do. just like the little boy knew the game better than his friends. Christ is patient with us, helping us carry heavy loads, just like the little boy. the boy knew to look at the screen for the next instruction. Jesus always looked to the Father. yes, Jesus has done much more for me than teach me how to bowl, but what a picture God provided to remind me to go back to the cross. 

-GUC or the “eat lunch here” place for UNA- today i was sitting in the GUC. i use to hangout in there everyday last year. this year the only times i’ve gone have been when it is practically empty. today it was noon. i was overwhelmed. maybe it had to do with the thinking fog. i was sitting with two people i knew and three i didn’t. i felt some what safe at that table, but i kept looking around realizing how many people i didn’t know. last year the faces grew familiar from being in there day after day. but today everyone looked new. of course there was no light bulb moment while sitting there. i do remember thinking how on earth am i going to be in Thailand on a campus of 40,000? talk about not knowing people. i wanted to know why i was so bothered by the fact that i didn’t know many of those around me. the thought followed me all day. most of them i will never talk to in my life, but for that brief moment our lives were in the same room. i wanted there to be a bigger meaning. i wanted the Lord to reveal Himself to me. He has. He is in control of every moment. i needed to feel overwhelmed to remember who i serve. i needed to feel overwhelmed so i would run to Him begging Him for heavenly thoughts. i needed to feel like just another person to remember that He calls me daughter.  He wanted me to see He has glory that fills all the earth. 

will we lay down our heads tonight and quietly forget the cross?

Martin Luther

so cultivate this joy...by continually meditating on the gospel. Let the cross always be the treasure of your heart, your best and highest thought...and your passionate preoccupation 

-C.J Mahaney 

I pray the Lord changes my thinking, and helps my tangled thoughts lead to His cross, His heart, and His heavenly throne.

learning how to love you,

 Kathryn

20/400

Before you continue to read you may want to know that I have never blogged before. You may also want to know that I am very fond of words and lots of them.

I have been told that is my vision. it means that at 20 feet I see what a normal person sees at 400 feet. I suppose I believe the doctor. Part of me is not really sure how possible that is, but I do understand I have horrible eye-sight. I am forced to be dependent on glasses/contacts or welcome a headache with open arms. which normally doesn’t bother me. I did say normally, meaning it has bothered me recently. it really is a funny story...last night my roommate was in my room and said “what’s that?” in a gasping/worried kind of way. me without my glasses sees a brown roach shaped object on my pillow. naturally I jump and it falls...so I jump again and then it changes...it wasn’t a roach...a stinkin hair tie. she laughed...I did too, but then I was embarrassed. I really was scared. you know the way you feel when you think the police lights and siren flick on behind you? call me strange but I do not like roaches. I started thinking if I could just see this wouldn’t have happened. 

I was hunting for the analogy right when the burn of “hurt feelings” stung my pride. I can’t see, must wear glasses, simple get over it kathryn. but it got me thinking what do I really want to see?  job 19:27 I myself will see him with my own eyes—I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!  

right now I am looking forward to spending 8 weeks in Khon Kaen, Thailand with an interdenominational ministry called Campus Outreach. we (team of 16 American college students and 2 staff members) will be partnering with Campus Outreach Thailand on the campus of Khon Kaen University- to build relationships with the Thai students and have the privilege of sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  

what I know about Thailand reminds me a lot of my blurry vision. I can only make out shapes and read things about the country and people. I really have no idea what it will be like. Over 9,000 miles away from everything I know. away from the American lens my heart is clinging to. The quest for eyes with world vision has begun. The cost of the trip is $6,000...my eyes can fill up with doubt quickly if focusing on that number too long. ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us

“If I could just see this wouldn’t have happened,” If I had 20/20 vision I would have never come to this moment, falling more in love with the one who gives sight to the blind. 

I ask you to come on this journey with me, through prayer in reaching the nations with the Gospel of Christ. Would you join the team as we pray ::: For His gospel to go forth from us in actions and words. That He would work and move in the souls of the students and many would come to know Him (Mark 1:17-18; Ephesians 6:19; Matthew 9:35-38)

-learning how to love you,

           kathryn